THE GLITTER CHILD
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Saturday, February 13, 2010

I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder.

So I've been lax about updating this, which is a bummer, but I figured that I need to change it up a bit. After all, nearly all the movies I've posted have been pretty romantic in one way or another, and I've been touting my "Rise Up Single Ladies!" mentality without actually backing it up. So tonight I bring you perhaps my favorite movie of all time, and to me certainly one of the best movies in the world to watch if you just want something funny and ultra-super-super-unromantic.
Today's Feature is...

Now I won't pretend that this film is loaded with beautiful clothes or sets, but the fact is that it's a great quality movie. The dialogue is top notch (and hilarious) and the characters are so outrageous that they're exactly normal in every way. You might be an I yourself, or (god forbid) a Withnail like me, or maybe you know a Danny. I'm sure many of us have had to endure an Uncle Monty or two, and now and again we find ourselves face-to-face with a Poacher. The comedy in Withnail and I does not come from zaniness or outlandish behavior, but from the sort of controlled hysteria of the everyday and the need to calm it by whatever means necessary.

 
"50,000 Londoners have to wake up to this. Murder and All-Bran and Rape."
Bruce Robinson has said of this film that it "starts with a nervous breakdown and just gets worse." Paul McGann's character, the titular 'I' (also named Marwood) is the poor recipient of said breakdown. It's not surprising in the slightest that Marwood is going crazy. Not only does he feel he could be overdosing, but he lives with Withnail, the drunk, out-of-work actor with an enormous superiority complex.

 
"Look at my tongue. It's wearing a yellow sock."
Withnail (Richard E. Grant) comes from a rich family, and as such he feels pretty much entitled to everything in the world, including a blossoming acting career. Sadly, he doesn't exactly have that. Nor do he and Marwood have much in the way of money, despite Withnail's familial connections. Nor do they have good heating in the apartment.

 
MARWOOD: You know what we should do?...I say, you know what we should do?
WITHNAIL: How could I possibly know what we should do? WHAT should we do?
MARWOOD: Get out of it. Go to the country for a while.
WITHNAIL: Ha. What good's the country? I'm in a park and I'm practically dead.

"I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum!"

Yes, Ladies and Gentlebugs, that's lighter fluid. And that is also a damned good scene.

The film is full of quotable lines and anecdotes, including a trip to a neighborhood pub where Marwood is shouted at for looking and smelling like a "POOFTER!!!"

 
"I have a heart condition. I have a heart condition--if you hit me, it's murder!"

 
"I'LL MURDER THE PAIR O'YEHS."

 After running back home to escape the enormous Irish man who wants them dead, they turn off for a couple of days and their drug dealer friend comes over for a talk.

 
"I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hair are your aerials. They pick up messages from the cosmos and transmit them directly into your brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are so uptight!"

 
"What absolute twaddle."
Withnail ends up following Marwood's suggestion of a countryside holiday and phones up the only relative who will still talk to him, his rich eccentric Uncle Monty.

Oh yeah. Uncle Vernon is Uncle Monty. Amazing.

They gain access to something "Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those that can't": Monty's Crow Cragg cottage in the countryside. But, as they immediately find out, it's even colder, much wetter, and completely without comfort.

"You're covered in shit."

 
"We've gone on holiday by mistake!"

 
"How do we make it die?"
They manage to survive for a while, digging for potatoes out back and getting what they can by going into town and from the kindness of a farmer. One night they decide to go to the pub, owned by a ex-military man and frequented by Jake, who most just call "The Poacher". They pursue him in hopes of buying some food off him, but instead he manages to threaten them with an eel.


 
"If I hear more words outta you, and I'll put one of these black pods on you."

They go home fearful of a Poacher-attack, Withnail climbing into Marwood's bed with a rifle to protect them. They hear someone trying to get in through the door, then through the window, and then a crash downstairs! "It's him! He's trying to get in!... He's sharpening a fucking knife!" But just as the door opens, who does it reveal?

"Oh my boys, my boys!"

Something more terrifying than an eel, that's for damned sure.

 

I know I have already mentioned two very good monologues throughout this blog, but the one at the end of this film blows them all out of the water. When you see it, you'll know.
And even though they're men (very handsome, attractive, talented men) there's a lot to be said for Marwood, Danny, and Withnail's individual styles!


 


"Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day"
He is perhaps the most understated man in the film, owing to the fact that, in essence, he is the "straight man". His style involves a sweater he seams to have in every color--a simple woolly crew-neck, and tight jeans. Well, tight by 1969 standards. Marwood, like Withnail, only have one pair of shoes, his cowboy boots, and one coat--his black leather slicker trench. The belt adds a touch of shape and almost femininity to the coat, which he tops off with his ever-present skinny black scarf. And don't forget those John Lennon glasses.


 

"Have either of you got shoes?"

Danny is at once childish and sweetly stupid and yet slightly menacing and oddly clever. He is the quintessential hippie, always found in the same clothing and constantly using terms and phrases that belong in astrology books and on posters covered in daisy decals. Just keep a laid-back approach, with comfy bell-bottoms and a black top, but layer on the jewelry and make sure your hair is down. They're your aerials, after all.


 
"I feel like a pig shat in my head..."

Withnail has the appearance of a handsome man who was been living a very un-handsome life. All of his clothing, even if it was "cut by Hawkes of Saville Row" has become loose from weight loss, but still has touches of a fit. Oversized tailored clothing gives the same appearance, only much less depressingly so! He is elegant in an unkempt way, like a rockstar, and wears scarves as ties for his long shirts that he can never be bothered to tuck in. Remember the coat, too! It finishes the outfit and keeps you warm when it feels "like fucking Greenland in here!"

I shall miss you too,
The Glitter Child

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